Today I said goodbye to a friend and housemate. She is going to study in South-Africa for 5 months. As I will be going to Japan in October and only return in March, this means I won't see her for a very long time. She was crying. Her mother was crying. Her sister was crying and some of her other friends were crying. I did not cry. In fact, I wasn't even sad. No matter how I tried, I couldn't grasp the fact that she was really leaving. I just couldn't feel it.
I just have that sometimes. I know that something is coming, but I just can't see it until it is real. I almost never cry in situations where other people are crying. When something is not real on the other hand, like a movie or a series when someone (almost) dies, I cry my eyes out.
I know it's not obligatory to cry, but sometimes you just feel as if you lack something. And not just the tears, the entire feeling of sadness is absent. I do feel it at the strangest moments. One casual remark from someone - who is perfectly happy at that moment - and there are tears in my eyes.
I don't understand myself. Am I weird? Maybe I should take notes of the times I do feel things and find out what the determining factor is...
Lots of love,
ps. Later than I promised, but there is a story on my blog. The theme was Envy.