Home sweet home

Dear Marly,

I miss you. And let's admit it: I'm a bit jealous too. You're in Japan, seeing exciting new things and meeting awesome new people, and I'm... still here. Same old town, same old school and friends. And I know that life won't change that much until next year, when I'll go to Utrecht (hopefully). And even though I know there are lots of things to look forward to, this year doesn't seem half as exciting as other years. I guess I'm just done with high school.

I want to be a singer and tour the world.
I want to be an explorer and see the wonders of this planet.
I want to be a poet and live in a tree house.
I want to be Martha Jones and walk the earth. 

Sometimes, social interaction scares and tires me. I love my friends but sometimes I feel so awkward and unhappy. With you, conversation never feels forced or uncomfortable. And that's something I miss. Thank god there's skype! But really, sometimes it seems like the whole world is turning against me, and there's nothing I can do about it.

Love, Suze

Differences

Dear Suze,

Until recently, I thought I had seen something of the world. I have been to a lot of different countries: Sweden, Germany, England, Italy, Czech Republic etc. Granted, most of them were European, the only exception being Russia and the U.S.A.. But still, I thought I knew about different cultures. Boy, was I mistaken (Yeah, I like to use 'boy').

            I am in Japan now (people who now Japan now probably understand where the above came from), but 3 weeks? 4 weeks? ago, I was in Turkey. Both blew my mind, though Japan maybe a little bit more so. I'll begin with Turkey, though.

            What can I say about that? Istanbul was beautiful and busy. People were always on the streets, moving or talking, all so busy and at the same time relaxed, at ease. The old and the new co-existed, and this was true for streets and buildings as well as for people. I never once felt scared or uncomfortable. It was an extremely nice place. But it was different (from the Netherlands I mean and from everything I know :P). And different in a way that none of the places I have ever been to were. Maybe it was the buildingstyle, maybe the people, maybe the shops, or maybe the colors or life itself or all those things at once... Apparently, those things are more similar in the Western Countries then I thought.

            Then I went to Japan. Japan! How do I even begin to describe it? I can't. I simply can't (and yes, I'm probably a bad blogger to say so). All that I can say is that it is different from everything and different from the difference of Turkey (to make things complicated). And that 10 minutes walking in a Japanese street, or department store, is enough to make me tired, so tired. The thing about Japan, I guess, is that it looks similar in some sense (the buildings, the stores, the articles) and completely different in another. One example, though maybe not the best one, is the pillow. On first sight, it looks just like a pillow. Then you feel it... and notice it's filled with pits. So you think you know something, but it's not what you think it is. At first, I constantly had the feeling that something was just 'off'. It is really confusing and apparently takes a huge amount of brainpower (hence the exhaustion). And yes, there were some brief moments (I have only been here 1 week now, and it has not happened a lot) that I was scared or felt uncomfortable.

            But why did I talk about differences if I can't describe them? And why does it look like I don't like Japan all that much, while actually I do? The answer to those questions are interrelated. So far I love Japan and part of the reason is probably because I love to be surprised. I love the fact that not everything I see makes sense to me, is so familiar that I barely bother to see it. Because that's just it, right? Differences (if they are big enough) open our eyes to things, eyes that are too often closed by what we think we know. We need our eyes open though, to really experience the world. That's what Turkey and Japan taught me.

Love,

Marly

P.S. How's it going in the Netherlands? How's your music-project? I guess you learn(ed) a lot from that as well. 

Limitless

Hi Marly!

It's been a long time since any of us has written a post, so I thought I should give it a try again. I wanted to talk about something that's kept us both busy for quite some time (and to which you introduced me actually), namely: web series. There are so many cool ones out there, each one with its own aims and aspirations. Because they exist through sponsoring (for a great part at least), they have a much greater creational freedom than series on TV, and can reach a big audience. I decided to make a list with my favorites, in no particular order:

1. Squaresville



It's quirky, it's experimental, yet it tells the story of two average teenage girls. It follows Zelda and Esther as they try to escape their suburbian town ('Squaresville'), mainly through lots of daydreaming. I love it so much because the characters are so real, so imperfect and recognisable.

2. Space Janitors



This is so awesome, so goofy, so AWESOME! I'm not a science fiction fan (although I make a HUGE exception for Doctor Who), but this just plays with all the genre cliche's and is totally hilarious. Also, the special effects (low budget!) are amazing.

3. The autobiography of Jane Eyre


Okay, it all started out with the Lizzie Bennet Diaries, which was pretty awesome too. But I think I like this little gem even better. Jane (played by the amazing Alysson Hall) is very lovable and most of all, very convincing. It's less polished and a bit more experimental than LBD, and sometimes downright scary. Very, very nice.

I hope more people discover these great series, because they really deserve it!

Love, Suze

The succes of FAILURE

Yes, I failed. I started off so optimistic this month, ready to write 50.000 words. And what's more, I wanted to write a new story every day. It would be amazing! I would explore new themes, new ways of writing and I would discover new sides of myself as a writer.

What happened? What happened to that optimism, that determination, that drive? How could I just lose that?

Looking back on July (and the month isn't finished yet, which means I have a voice shouting 'write, write, while you still can!!!' in my head) I think I can safely say that I didn't lose that drive, or the determination. The problem was not a lack of energy, or a writers block, or a lack of ideas, it was the opposite. I once heard that when you are stuck with your writing, it is because you have too much ideas, and you don't know which one is best. That is the same problem I encountered this month.

Let's see what I did do:
1. Made plans for a book, or a series of books (detailed plans, not just thought about it)
2. Started with a radio play.
3. Recorded a song with my lovely sister, then
4. Made a video for that song and uploaded it.
5. Worked on and recorded another cover.
6. Did write 10 short stories, and started even more.

Actually I am pretty proud of myself, even when I didn't succeed with Nanowrimo. Moreover, I have booked tickets to Japan and send all the required documents, so I have done some important, obligatory stuff too. This shows that you always should look at why you failed and what you wanted to achieve in the first place. For me, it wasn't just about the words, it was about developing myself on the creative level. And in that respect, I haven't failed. Yes, I think I'll look upon this failure as a succes.

We're going backwards

What is this? 

A song by Murderous Mango aka US!!! WOOHOO!!!

It's a cover of this song by Matthias, a contestant (and finalist) of Internet Icon season 2!

Enjoy!

Crying

Today I said goodbye to a friend and housemate. She is going to study in South-Africa for 5 months. As I will be going to Japan in October and only return in March, this means I won't see her for a very long time. She was crying. Her mother was crying. Her sister was crying and some of her other friends were crying. I did not cry. In fact, I wasn't even sad. No matter how I tried, I couldn't grasp the fact that she was really leaving. I just couldn't feel it.

I just have that sometimes. I know that something is coming, but I just can't see it until it is real. I almost never cry in situations where other people are crying. When something is not real on the other hand, like a movie or a series when someone (almost) dies, I cry my eyes out.

I know it's not obligatory to cry, but sometimes you just feel as if you lack something. And not just the tears, the entire feeling of sadness is absent. I do feel it at the strangest moments. One casual remark from someone - who is perfectly happy at that moment - and there are tears in my eyes.

I don't understand myself. Am I weird? Maybe I should take notes of the times I do feel things and find out what the determining factor is...

Lots of love,
Marly

ps. Later than I promised, but there is a story on my blog. The theme was Envy.

Someday I'll grow my wings and fly away

How I went to England and fell in love with it.

*

Pictures of London, Cambridge, Grantchester and Brighton. I'm not a professional photographer, and that's not my aim. I just wanted to make some pictures of the beautiful things I saw. Can't wait to go back there.

Lots of love, Suze

Challenge

Holidays are upon us and that means…  that I’m going to take it easy, right? Just laying around all day, reading books, watching series (okay, so pretty much as always).

But that’s not what’s going to happen. Because tomorrow is the first day of Camp Nanowrimo. This July will be filled with writing, writing, writing, until at the end of the month I will (hopefully) hit the magical wordcount of 50.000.

Still, as I already  achieved this once, in November, this time I decided to make it more difficult. Because vacation is here and… no, I don’t understand it either.

You know that I tried to challenge myself in April too, and that was a big fail. That time the plan was to use the storygenerator of TV-tropes as the basis of my story. I had to use the elements the generator provided me with. It was hard. I failed hard too.

This time, instead of writing on one story, I will try to write one every day. The wordcount for one short story is 1613, so that I will eventually reach the 50.000 goal.

To tell you the truth, I am not at all convinced that I will be able to pull it off. I will have to have a good idea every day. I do have a theme for every day, but I will still have to start from scratch every day… Also, I was planning on abandoning the fantasy genre I usually write in for realism. All stories will take place in the same city, Utrecht. That will link them, but it will also limit the possibilities. Yes, I am scared.

Why I still choose to spend my first free month wrestling with deadlines, stress and despair (probably)? Because I like to challenge myself. And I really think that, if this will work, I will grow as a writer. Trying out new things must bring out new elements of yourself, right? Let’s hope so anyway.

To keep myself motivated, I will try to post one of the stories on Marly’s short stories each week. That does mean I will have to translate them, as I write in Dutch. Oh well, another challenge. Why not?

Love, Marly

Ps. Sorry I didn’t write last week. I was busy, but looking back I can’t remember what with.  Won’t happen again. Hopefully.

Some haunting music videos

The first song is 'The Suburbs' by Arcade Fire. The shots are taken from the short film made by request of the band, directed by Spike Jonze (you can find it on vimeo). It looks really promising, and I'm planning to watch it later this week.

This is a short film by Laura Marling (yeah I'm obsessed). It covers the first 4 songs of her new album, and it's just.... gorgeous. GO WATCH IT. 

Okay, not so haunting. But Feist is awesome and I love the simplicity and the enthusiasm in this video. By the way, she's got a killer body. 

Lots of love, 

Suze

Omg so little (MARSHALL) time!

And again the trains were annoying and I was later home than I wanted. Also the essays I still have to write (wednesday deadline - AAH!) are always in the back of my mind. That's why I have decided to make today's post a short one. Just wanted to share something that made me very happy:

It is fan-made! Isn't that incredible?! I love (and envy) the creativity of some people. Though I suppose I could write a fan-fiction... After all, Fionna is all about fanfiction... Hm....

NO! Essay! Focus!

Stressed regards,
Marly

Flash-blog!

Dear dear Suze,

It is hard to think decide what to do with your life. Lots of people of our age are just drifting. I was lucky to find something I really love doing and am good at just before I had to make my decision. And even then, I still sometimes think that I am drifting, waiting, searching. So it is great that you have figured out what you want to do, what you love and what you are willing to work for.
I also believe that having a gap year is a great way to get to know yourself better, to find things out about the world etc. But I do understand why dad is not too keen on it. Also, I think that, yes, a gap year could contribute to your personal development, but only if you really want it to do so.

So, what I advise you to do, is to make a list of the things you could do, and then make a businessplan for the year. It's just a proposal, so it could be very sketchy, but try to set goals. Also, you might consider getting a job, if only for the first half year. You could maybe want to get money for your travel, or for your future study, or it could just be to keep some structure in your life. Believe me, freedom is great, but sometimes it can also be great to have something to hold on to. Be sure to pick a job that won't take time after work, like school does. Then it won't interfere with your music. (By the way, it is also good to set targets for your music too.)

Making a plan will show dad that you are serious about it, and it will force you to think things through. You have to fill that gap year, cause otherwise it will account to nothing and you don't gain anything from it.

By the way, there is something I found that is just for you (I like it too, it has Lord of the Rings and pretty pictures of books and nice quotes from John Green). It is the tumblr that is actually connected to 'The autobiography of Jane Eyre', a 'Lizzie Bennet Diaries' inspired webseries. I haven't read the novel yet, so I am not quite sure if I'm allowed to watch the series (I have only watched the first 4 episodes), but I'm sure I'm allowed to look at things that make me happy. http://eyrequotes.tumblr.com/
Did I mention the Smiths are there too? They are! It is great. Just check it out! And it goes on forever and ever... I still haven't found the end.

xxx Marly

ps. If I have time I will post another, official blog on Sunday. But I am very busy writing an essay (actually two! Ah!) at the moment, so maybe not...

Poor little rich girl

Dear Marly,

I've been thinking lately. I think quite a lot actually, but my thoughts are quite confusing right now, even more and more frequent than usual. I'm thinking about BIG, IMPORTANT, ESSENTIAL things: the future and what it holds for me.
I just heard on the news that the abolishing of the student grant (a sort of standard scholarship for every Dutch student, but of course you know that) has been postponed a year. This means that I will be one of the last students who can make use of this regulation. That is... if I start with a study immediately after finishing high school.
Until now, I hadn't really worried about this. Losing the student grant was a pity financially (for my parents mainly), but I'd be able to manage. I want to do a musical education, for which I'll have to audition. That's okay, I thought. If I don't pass straight away, I'll give it another go next year. I can take a gap year and focus completely on making music, just give it a shot and see what'll come of it. Maybe I can travel. Write poetry, and new songs, perform, find other musicians to collaborate with, things like that. The more I thought it over, the more attractive it seemed. I can start studying later on.
But now, everything's changed, and I'm starting to realize I don't really want to start a study next year. I feel that I need to step out of the routine, out of this safe little world and start exploring. Why wait another 4 years? I'm so fed up with school and waiting, and I don't regard music as 'just' a hobby, because I love it more than anything else.
Mom's quite supportive, but dad's... well, he's dad. He doesn't like the study I chose in the first place, and now I want to waste his money as well! He's really pushing me to be reasonable. But what if I don't want to be reasonable? Ugh. Poor little rich girl's got some issues with her parents.
I know I've already had more chances in life than lots of others. But what if this is the only way I think I can be satisfied with what I'm doing? Should everyone chase their dreams, or should they listen to what people say they should?


xoxo, Suze

Never judge a book by its cover

 This is a book you can judge by its cover. Don't you think it's beautiful? Though of course you should read between the cover to see if it lives up to the expectations.

Okay, so I wanted to spend more time at this, but I'm only just home, because the trains didn't work properly. So let's get to the point. This post will be about prejudice, and judging something without really knowing it. It is related to your haters question, but is less... hateful. A prejudice can really harm people or situations. That's not what I wanted to talk about it. I wanted to talk about seemingly less harmful prejudice, and how it can harm your own life.

You know that I was in The Hague this weekend. Tomorrow, on the 10th of june, it will be the 150th birthday of (one of) my favorite writer(s), Louis Couperus, and because of there were all kinds of events related to him and his work. I had a great time: first I attended a presentation about the covers of his book, then I went to a play (actually multiple short plays) based on some of his short stories and after that I visited a gallery with art base don his writing (there was also a poet that had written poetry inspired by Couperus reciting in the backyard, but by then I was tired). Once again I was impressed by the variety of genre, the beautiful language, the humour, suspense and wisdom of his writing. I went away with quite a lot of stories and books on my mental 'must-read' list.

            Funny to think about the fact that, ¾ year ago, I had not yet read a single letter by Couperus. I had been wanting to read Couperus for a long time, that’s true. That’s why I had bought a collection of short stories and reflections by him on a shabby bookmarket. I believe it was around €1,50. Then the book just stood on a plank it was mothns before I opened it. Now, I could just say that I had no time, that there were urgent things to do, that I forgot about it, etcetera. But that’s not the truth. The truth is that I thought  it would be boring. The stories were 100 years old, how could they possibly be as entertaining as contemporary stories? Besides, I thought the stories wouldn’t have a very high imaginationlevel. They would probably be about high society in the nineteenthcentury, with gossip, scandal and romance – but all that in a very civilised manner.  Oh, how wrong I was.

I started reading finally one day when I had nothing better to do. I prepared myself. This would be a challenge, but I would complete it. If only to be able to say I completed it.

It began with an introduction by Couperus in which he talked about short stories. I actually enjoyed reading it, and was surprised I did. It also surprised me that he didn’t take himself too seriously, as if this was something only modern people were capable of.

            A tiny crack appeared in my prejudice. Then I read the story about two respectable looking ladies that turned out to be prostitutes and were eventually brutally murdered.

            This did more than just make a crack, it completely shattered my prejudice.

Feverishly I read on, my anticipation higher, feeling I was onto something., that I had discovered something. He had already showed me he could build up suspense and at the same time be humoristic, but he went on to show me the tragedy and absurdism and perceptiveness. And I saw that he had a very high imagination-level indeed, when I read this.

'It was a cold night.
I sat next to the high-flaming fire. Outside a rough wind was pulling at the window; the rain hitted against the glass. 
I was staring into the flames and dreaming. 
Suddenly, in the chimney, I heard a furious noise; I thought it might be a chimney fire. 
Through the furious noise something terrible descended, fell through the chimney!...
I rose up, trembling with fear...
And I saw, in my bright flaming fire, the Devil, who had slided through the chimney and now, scorched red, slender and quickly entered my room from the fireplace. 
- It is only the Devil, I thought; my fear ceased.'


Then I definitively fell in love with him. 
            Well, you know what happened then. I became a fan, meaning that I have another thing to admire (and I love to have things I can admire, don't you? They make life seem so much more worth it.) But my point is that my prejudice almost stopped me from getting to know his work. Of course, it wouldn't have been that great a disaster, but it does point out what a prejudice eventually does: it encourages you to stay on the same old road and definitely not explore for yourself. Cause you might find new things and worse... you might like it!

Lots of life and keep away from the prejudices! 

Marly 

ps. Sorry if it didn't make sense or is just a little bit messy or not logical. As I said I had so little time.

Haters gonna hate

Why is there so much hate on the internet? I get that it's easy and safe (because you can make it as anonymous as you wish), but why hate in the first place? Why do people just love to burn people down? I find it slightly disturbing, and really disgusting.

I started thinking about this, when I posted my first song on youtube. It was a cover I did with my band from the song Dissolve Me (by Alt-J - which is an awesome band, btw). I put the link on facebook and was pleased that my friends liked it and my hair looked so nice and shiny and we all sang in key, you get it. Imagine my distress when the next day, the video got 1 dislike.

And another one. And another one. Which made the count: 0 likes, 3 dislikes. Whoa.

What bothered me most, I guess, was not being able to see who disliked my video. Those three people who didn't like my song and hit the dislike button - I'll never know their names and reasons for hitting dislike. And even when they actually respond, who can trace FutureMrsBieber9999 or Culture_Snob21? But of course, this is on micro level.

It seems rather harsh to hate something or someone you don't even know for real, and the more famous the person is, the more hate he/she's bound to get. Let's take our dear Taylor Swift. Now, ms. Swift and I are not going to be BFF's. She's blonde and cheerful and makes shitty music NO HATE! just not my kind of music. She dates. Boys. More than one. Big deal.
I don't LIKE her, but I don't DISLIKE her, because I don't know her. I don't know whether she's a bitch or a sweet angel in real life, but I'm quite sure she's got feelings. And feelings are easily hurt.
So she dated Harry Styles and one Kennedy bloke? That's her business. So, she sings songs about them. Good for her. But how can you say you hate her?

Why do we keep saying 'haters gonna hate' when we can't stop hating each other?

Love, Suze

PS. About the panda: it chose me. I had no choice.

Reaction to your great news ( and why I love Doctor Who)

Dear dear Suze,

I had started writing my post on Thursday, as I knew I wouldn't have much time to write later on. But then you posted another blog, with the news that you might get the chance to perform at the Grand Theatre! I'm sorry, but I just have to SCREAM!!!! OMG, that is just so cool! Please post some of your music on this blog sometime, because I want the world to know how brilliant you are :).
            Well then, let's continue with my great piece. And it's... about Doctor Who. Yes, I know, and I apologize beforehand. I give you: my post about Doctor Who. 

Since I have nothing good to tell, let’s focus on the things that I have something to say about. Like… that series I’ve been watching obsessively in the last period of time. It’s ruining my study, it’s taking over my life, and the worst part is: I don’t mind.

Why not?

Because it’s Doctor Who and it is just amazing. Probably one of the best shows I’ve seen. Ever. Yes, you don’t want a love declaration from a hysterical fangirl, so I’ll try to keep down the fangirling. I’ll just try to tell why I like it so much.

An alien with a dark past in a policebox trying to save the people across time and space. It sounds a bit repetitive and childish maybe. It is a children’s show after all. But maybe, maybe, it is precisely the childishness that gives it its power. Because isn’t one characteristic of children their curiosity?

                I remember that when I was a kid, I used to think of all the knowledge in the world as a great hall full of books, going up as high as I could see.  And I thought about all the scientists busy at every moment to explore, to get new knowledge, create new books and the hall would just keep on growing and growing. I loved the excitement I felt at the idea that new knowledge is uncovered every moment. I wanted to catch up to it, to this ever-expanding library. And I read and I read as I wanted to learn about everything, every area of knowledge. I was running, running with the words, running, struggling to catch up even when I knew that was never going to happen. There was a rush to it, the idea of the growing hall, of the new books written, urging me onwards, make haste, make haste. It’s going to fly away, you’re going to lose sight of it.

                And that’s why I watch Doctor Who. Obviously the stories are fiction, but they talk about that same feeling: the idea that the world is just wonderful and big and varied and amazing and waiting to be explored. The doctor never loses his sense of wonder and the human companions the Doctor takes with him (because that’s what the Doctor does) travel with him for that exact reason. They want to learn and see new things. I think that is one of the main reasons the show appeals to me the way it does. So when you are looking for me, you'll find me glued to the screen of my laptop, seeing the most amazing things, traveling with the Doctor. 

Because, as the Doctor says: ‘this is one corner in one country in one continent in one planet that's a corner of a galaxy that is a corner of a universe that is forever growing and shrinking and creating and destroying and never remaining the same for a single millisecond. And there is so much, SO MUCH, to see.’

Lots of love,
Marly

P.S. Fortunately I'm almost done with the seventh (the most recent) series. This means that I will experience a gaping hole in my life for some time, but it will maybe also encourage me to go out in real life (my one corner in the corner of the universe) and explore. Until then however, I'll gladly give myself over to all of time and space.