Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Poor little rich girl

Dear Marly,

I've been thinking lately. I think quite a lot actually, but my thoughts are quite confusing right now, even more and more frequent than usual. I'm thinking about BIG, IMPORTANT, ESSENTIAL things: the future and what it holds for me.
I just heard on the news that the abolishing of the student grant (a sort of standard scholarship for every Dutch student, but of course you know that) has been postponed a year. This means that I will be one of the last students who can make use of this regulation. That is... if I start with a study immediately after finishing high school.
Until now, I hadn't really worried about this. Losing the student grant was a pity financially (for my parents mainly), but I'd be able to manage. I want to do a musical education, for which I'll have to audition. That's okay, I thought. If I don't pass straight away, I'll give it another go next year. I can take a gap year and focus completely on making music, just give it a shot and see what'll come of it. Maybe I can travel. Write poetry, and new songs, perform, find other musicians to collaborate with, things like that. The more I thought it over, the more attractive it seemed. I can start studying later on.
But now, everything's changed, and I'm starting to realize I don't really want to start a study next year. I feel that I need to step out of the routine, out of this safe little world and start exploring. Why wait another 4 years? I'm so fed up with school and waiting, and I don't regard music as 'just' a hobby, because I love it more than anything else.
Mom's quite supportive, but dad's... well, he's dad. He doesn't like the study I chose in the first place, and now I want to waste his money as well! He's really pushing me to be reasonable. But what if I don't want to be reasonable? Ugh. Poor little rich girl's got some issues with her parents.
I know I've already had more chances in life than lots of others. But what if this is the only way I think I can be satisfied with what I'm doing? Should everyone chase their dreams, or should they listen to what people say they should?

xoxo, Suze

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